Bakit Single Ka Pa?

January 02, 2009

O eto na serious contribution ko on this thread. hehehe.

The need to belong is one of the basic human needs. Just like air, food and sex. And yes, sex doesn’t go with love and security (at least according to Maslow, hehe). And yes, it belongs to the same level as the physiological needs. And, no, I’m not liberated. All I’m saying (with that statement) is if you want just sex...you don’t have to be married. Wahahahah! And no, I'm not very comfortable discussing that which follows.

Seriously though, our search for human affiliation stems not from social pressure but from human nature which is rather instinctual. Afterall it is the same desire for intimacy (and not just sex, since as humans, we associate procreation with love, otherwise the pregnancy gets aborted, hehe, hypocrisy aside) that brings new members of the species. It is the same yearning for closeness and bonding that results to a family and community structures as these new members get to be nurtured and supported.

However, we must also understand that the need for love and belongingness is satisfied not only by having a romantic relationship with the opposite sex, (or the same sex depending on your preference) or marital commitment with them. But also from friendship, social activities, religious affiliations, familial attachments, and yes ... even animal connections, not to mention extramarital affairs, hehe. And okay, even from cyberforums like PMT. And not with yourself (it’s a different thing, hehe, - narcissism na yan or I don’t know). Man tries to overcome feelings of loneliness and alienation. This would explain why there are single people who are as fulfilled as those who are wed. And not because they are simply rationalizing.

So you see, the goal of entering into a romantic relationship is to seek if this means would fulfil our need to belong. But of course you don’t declare that literally or aloud. Baka hiwalayan ka nun. Rather it is the unspoken sentiment. If you regard it as the only way to such an end thus it should and must work, then it will result to disappointment and yes, bitterness.

Understanding the hype that society puts in romantic love as part of marketing and a way to sell literally everything from condoms to movies, though, “being single” becomes a social and psychological issue. But actually it’s only a legal status. Afterall we can’t declare being “married” to our friends, or to our dogs and definitely not to our mistresses (or should I say “your”), can we?

Lastly:
As to the issue of marriage depending on your upbringing and the kind of society that you’re in, it then becomes an act that concurs with ones values, social norms and customs, not to mention legal issues. And that which needs to be respected, if you want the respect back.