Feb 13, 2009
I can’t sleep. Funny, but this is one of those few times that I experience having such an ordeal. I’m a person who is the total envy of insomniacs, not to mention normal people. No trouble at all when it comes to that part of daily living. Just put something flat on my back, and I am dead to the world. In fact if sleep could kill (which it could, if you were a chronic alcoholic, or just plain too unlucky, he, he, he) I would have been gone a long time.
However, as much as I would like to, I know that even if I try to count sheep (which by the way would always work for me during restless times-which again I would hardly have any-in both having restless times and counting 10), I would still lay awake staring blanky at darkness not figuratively (this time) but literally because the lights are already off, hehehe. I am very well aware of the cause, but not very willing to share it even in writing, even to people I don’t know and don’t know me back (or should I say, don’t care at all). I have a pride you know, and I intend to keep it in one piece (as much as possible). Let’s just say, I am wondering, and considering of hurting somebody, back. I have a pride you know. Not sure though if it is still intact, on second thought.
And so I decided that instead of wallowing in my own misery, to get up, and do something productive (like earning money, online and offline, in this most unholy hour of the day, oh yes, it is very possible). But I contained myself and settled on something decent and respectable (like watching something biblical). No, (I am not that pretentious), but rather translate my thoughts into words, which at first I thought was not possible. Given that my situation is not inspiration but desperation.
After several minutes, of mulling over emptiness, i came up with randomness, which surprisingly the one which lulled me into sleep. But before I finally submit into unconsciousness, I pondered on one last conscious thought – to confront the person responsible. And deal with an emotion I have so tried to deny and renounce but have so far failed (well at least so far, which by the way, could not take me that far, hehehe, so might as well concede?). Not a chance. Now, that one, not sure If I deliberated on in my wakefulness or in my dreams. Now this, maybe just a product of my imagination. Oh how I wish..... Hehehehe.
I can’t sleep. Funny, but this is one of those few times that I experience having such an ordeal. I’m a person who is the total envy of insomniacs, not to mention normal people. No trouble at all when it comes to that part of daily living. Just put something flat on my back, and I am dead to the world. In fact if sleep could kill (which it could, if you were a chronic alcoholic, or just plain too unlucky, he, he, he) I would have been gone a long time.
However, as much as I would like to, I know that even if I try to count sheep (which by the way would always work for me during restless times-which again I would hardly have any-in both having restless times and counting 10), I would still lay awake staring blanky at darkness not figuratively (this time) but literally because the lights are already off, hehehe. I am very well aware of the cause, but not very willing to share it even in writing, even to people I don’t know and don’t know me back (or should I say, don’t care at all). I have a pride you know, and I intend to keep it in one piece (as much as possible). Let’s just say, I am wondering, and considering of hurting somebody, back. I have a pride you know. Not sure though if it is still intact, on second thought.
And so I decided that instead of wallowing in my own misery, to get up, and do something productive (like earning money, online and offline, in this most unholy hour of the day, oh yes, it is very possible). But I contained myself and settled on something decent and respectable (like watching something biblical). No, (I am not that pretentious), but rather translate my thoughts into words, which at first I thought was not possible. Given that my situation is not inspiration but desperation.
After several minutes, of mulling over emptiness, i came up with randomness, which surprisingly the one which lulled me into sleep. But before I finally submit into unconsciousness, I pondered on one last conscious thought – to confront the person responsible. And deal with an emotion I have so tried to deny and renounce but have so far failed (well at least so far, which by the way, could not take me that far, hehehe, so might as well concede?). Not a chance. Now, that one, not sure If I deliberated on in my wakefulness or in my dreams. Now this, maybe just a product of my imagination. Oh how I wish..... Hehehehe.
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